You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
