And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think my moral compass just broke
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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