I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
