dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize