i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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