Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
