Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
