Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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