I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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