Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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