he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
