im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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