well most of my day revolves around power hour
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
