I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
