last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize