Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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