how can u be prego again
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
