And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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