then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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