You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
