We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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