Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
