i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
