Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
