bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
