as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You may now shotgun with the bride
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
