come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
