I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
