ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
