Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So vagazzling was a success
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
