I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
