woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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