seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
