I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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