i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
