When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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