We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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