Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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