i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
