just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
