It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
