He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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