i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
