At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
soo... how was my night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
