just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
