Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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