I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
