I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
