the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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