He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
