like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize