Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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