Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
