I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this hospital has no fireball
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
