We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
