We won't sleep together?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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