And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
