So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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