i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
