I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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