i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
