I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
