do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
