Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
