How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
