Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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