you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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