I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
