You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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