I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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