I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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