I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
