Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
