So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
