just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize