I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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